Beautiful Canon
by Luna Silvereyes
Summary: He calls me Ayu. I'm not. I've taken her place so that she can be revived in his eyes. I've taken her memories, her life, her loves, her hates, her passion and her fears and become her, just so she can live again. My sacrifice is her survival.


Beautiful Canon

Luna Silvereyes

The first time I saw her, it was in that dark place. The place that was so dark, you couldn't see your hand in front of your eyes. I couldn't tell right away, but she seemed asleep on the ground. She wore a white gown, her reddish hair splayed beneath her head like a bright halo in the inky blackness. Her eyes were closed and her body was limp. She wasn't moving. I carefully approached, knowing that I had no right to be near her in the first place, though I'd never met her before. As I drew nearer, her eyes opened and she gazed up at me tearfully.

"Help," she muttered so quietly that I had to strain to hear her. I knelt beside her.

"What can I do to help you?" I asked. She took my hand.

"Please...help...Yuichi, he's...."

I held her hand as she cried, distraught. I didn't know what happened. I only knew that she was scared and alone. She was a frail-looking girl, maybe about fifteen at the time.

"My name is Ayu, Ayu Tsukimya. Please, can you take me back?" she begged. I shook my head slowly.

"I'm sorry. I cannot awaken you from this place. You must wake up yourself."

Tears formed in her eyes and she started to cry again.

"But, Yuichi, he...he thinks I'm dead!" she cried.

I tried to pull away, afraid of this girl's life force. She was incredibly strong willed. But she refused to release my hand. As I stared down at her staring up at me pleadingly, I felt my resolve weakening. I knew I had no business with her, nor did I have any business in this place. But something told me I wouldn't regret what I was considering.

"Take my place!" she exclaimed. I blinked. Could she tell what I was thinking? No, she couldn't.

"Please," she said, "Take my life and go to him. Convince him I'm okay! Don't let him forget about me, please!"

She gripped my hand tighter and I realized I had no choice. But it wasn't like I'd refuse, anyway. I nodded and we closed our eyes. I felt a tugging sensation, my mind growing light and my body becoming heavy. I felt as though I were falling, my body plummeting toward earth in a free fall. I wanted to scream as I fell faster and faster, but I couldn't find a voice to do so with.

Finally, I stopped. I felt dizzy, my mouth felt fuzzy and all around me was cold. Slowly, ever so slowly, I opened my eyes.

It was white. It looked like clouds.

And that was my last thought before a flash of light erupted in my eyes and my mind. Then, I sat up. I couldn't remember who I was. I couldn't remember what I'd been doing before, or how I got into this clearing by that strange tree. The tree looked oddly familiar, yet the bark leading up from the base seemed strangely translucent. I shakily got to my feet. I dusted myself off and froze.

"These are...my clothes?" I said. I turned around and saw I was wearing a backpack with wings attached to it.

"Wha-where did this come from?" I asked myself. Bits and pieces of rapidly fading memories were beginning to come back. Memories of a girl in a dark place. With what little of my true self remained, I realized what had happened. I had taken Ayu's place in this world! I had become Ayu Tsukimya! I instantly panicked. I didn't belong in this world! I had to go back! But even as I thought this, my true self, I felt was going dormant as Ayu's memories flooded into my head, swarming my entire being with her thoughts, her feelings, her dreams, her loves. I had a sudden craving for Taiyaki and the distinct feeling that someone was waiting for me or that possibly, I was waiting for someone.

"Ughuu!" I exclaimed. I covered my mouth, wide-eyed. Where the heck did that weird phrase come from? I sat down against the tree, feeling less panicked and more grim. I was losing myself to Ayu's memories. Whether I liked or not, I was being assigned to live out Ayu's life in an attempt to bring her back to this world, somehow. I remember that as Ayu took over completely, that was my last true thought. From that moment onward, Ayu's memories became my memories. Memories of Yuichi Aizawa, of losing mother to a wasting sickness. Memories of a school where there was no homework and you got to eat Taiyaki for lunch everyday and leave whenever you wanted to. Memories of meeting a boy on the street and trying Taiyaki. Memories of climbing the tree and gazing out at the city. Memories of happy times with that boy. Slowly, I myself faded away, and nothing was left but Ayu and a tiny portion of myself. Following that, I could only reach my true self in my dreams, here underneath the translucent tree in the clearing. Here, I could reach Ayu and ask her why I had to take her place. But she always remained asleep. Perhaps her waking up that one time was merely an accident.

As the weeks passed, I met this boy. My memories of Ayu's life flooded into my being like a river, encompassing me in their grip. I struggled to hold onto my true self, but soon gave up. After a while, I became Ayu. Yuichi became my world, as he had for Ayu. And as she had begun to do so during their short time together, I too began to fall in love with him. He soon began to remember the Ayu he'd known, rather than me. But that was all right; it was what I'd taken her place for. We spent time together in the daytime and I regaled him with tales of Ayu's school and of her favorite places. Even as memories of what had happened to Ayu began to come to both of us, I became scared. I found it difficult to retain my flesh form of her body that I'd been forced to adopt. If I wasn't careful, I could disintegrate before his eyes. I was careful not to remember too much, lest this nightmare come true. But as so many nightmares have done before, it came true. We found a terrible secret Ayu had been hiding. I arrived in the clearing one day to discover that the translucent tree wasn't translucent at all; it had been cut down. For some reason, I panicked again. Perhaps it was just Ayu reacting to what I was seeing for her, but I couldn't help myself. By then, I had come to love Yuichi and I knew that I had failed Ayu, whom I had come to love as well. But my flesh form of her was beginning to fade. And so, I departed.

Even as I hovered just out of sight of Yuichi afterward, in a form he wouldn't understand or recognize, I felt my heart tearing. By this point, Ayu had become a part of me and I was finding it difficult to let go of her and go back to my own wandering ways. I remained by Yuichi's side as he struggled, missing the person he believed was Ayu, but was really me, wearing her form as a means of reuniting her with him. My anxiety had drained my energy immensely. I waited, biding my time and energy until just the right moment, when Yuichi returned to the clearing with the lost item. As soon as I saw it, the rest of Ayu's memories came to me in an instant and I immediately became one with her as she entered my consciousness for the first time to truly speak with the one she loved. She asked for her final wish, but I was too exhausted to hear it. As I lost consciousness, our form faded away before his eyes and I was forced to drift away. I had no way of knowing where to go next. It came as a surprise to me when Yuichi appeared before us at the hospital and called out to Ayu in her sleep. I hovered above, watching sadly and wishing I could comfort him, knowing I couldn't approach. I wasn't Ayu, even though I was the one he'd come to love again over the past couple of weeks. He hadn't seen the real Ayu in years. I wondered if when she woke up, if my memories would transfer to her as hers had to me. If that were the case, I'd probably have to forget about Yuichi and our time together. But seeing as I had no place interfering to begin with, I forced myself to stop dwelling on it altogether.

I met Ayu once more in that dark place. She was awake and sitting up, listening for the sound of her name. She looked up at me and smiled.

"I can't thank you enough," she said, "For helping Yuichi for me."

I just shrugged. "I don't mind," I said to her. "Even though, after all, he still doesn't know the real you, anymore. I hope you realize that."

Ayu nodded.

"I do. But I'll make him remember. But what should I say about you?"

"Absolutely nothing. He has enough to worry about with you, don't forget. Why should he waste his time with something like me?" I joked. She frowned.

"But you aren't a 'something'! You're the one who possibly saved me!"

"What I think doesn't matter, Ayu. My business in this place is about finished. Soon, Yuichi will be with you, again. You should focus on waking up, soon."

Ayu sighed.

"I guess you're right." she whispered. And with that, I left her. But I hadn't gone far.

A few weeks later, I hovered outside the hospital, watching Ayu as she sat in the wheelchair with a stocking cap sitting on her head. Yuichi had been laughing at how short the barber had cut her hair. Ayu could no longer see, or recall who I was. For that matter, neither could Yuichi. It saddened me slightly, knowing I was alone again, after all that time. But it had been worth it to see these two. I glided down again and stopped behind Yuichi.

"Take care of her," I whispered to him. He paused and glanced around. Ayu tilted her head at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I thought I heard something," Yuichi said quietly, "Something vaguely familiar."

"You'd better believe it." I said. And leaving him to freak out over the phantom noises, I soared up into the sky on wings of silk, glad to have been part of this miraculous occurrence. Perhaps now, I'd be able to sort out my own loneliness. Who knows? Maybe a wandering spirit will pass me by and offer me a second chance.

I believe in miracles.

A/N: Just a random little thought I had. Hope you enjoyed my first and last Kanon story.


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